Someone told me that my two downsides to acquiring freelance jobs are that I am young and a woman. Those words have been living rent-free in my head for months, and I need to get them off my chest.

(Context: The man in question gave me this analysis after we discussed how I struggle with acquisition. I do not think it was meant maliciously, and hope that assumption is correct.)

This article uses generation names and binary gender labels as crude denominators for practical purposes. Please acknowledge that these are not absolute characteristics and that every person is different.

Please also remember that this is my story, which is not up for debate and is not representative of other people's experiences. I discussed these stories with other women who recognized these situations, but I do not speak on their behalf.

Young

While my inner geriatric millennial jumped for joy after being called young, it was surprising from a professional standpoint.

I wrote my first HTML twenty years ago, started my studies fifteen years ago, and have been in this business ever since. So, while I am not as old as the status quo, you cannot classify me as green.

Maybe I look young, which I have heard before, but it is hardly rare for people to look different from what they expect to see at a certain age.

Woman, part 1

Then, the real elephant in the room: being a woman.

While it is no surprise that being a woman makes working in IT harder, I have hardly heard these words spoken directly, and hearing them just hit harder.

I have written about why being a woman in tech should not be controversial before, and my stance remains unchanged, except that I would have chosen less ranty language if I had taken the time to write it.

(Ironically, this article later became the subject of a problematic work situation when I clashed with a marketeer who wanted to use this deeply personal story to attract commercial website visitors on International Women's Day.)

Anyway, a somewhat ranty interlude is incoming.

Woman, interlude

When I started studying IT in my first year, there were three or four women and maybe a hundred men. From my anecdotal experience working at schools and talking to students from other universities, these numbers seem to have changed little.

Dutch reports claim that tech is still unpopular amongst women in The Netherlands. Also, many IT women groups have countless stories about the continued hostility towards women (whether assigned female at birth or transgender), especially when they are of color.

(Note that the gender gap is not prevalent in every region. Other ladies told me that the division is closer to 50/50 in Africa and Eastern Europe; I did not research these statistics.)

While there are many kick-ass women in IT, there is a limit to how much time and energy we can dedicate to getting more women into the industry. This is why I appreciate men who support and uplift us.

I remember talking with Sarah Boyce after she became a Django Fellow. I thought it was incredible that both fellows were women (the other being Natalia Bidart); it was my first time seeing something like this.

Of course, I would prefer not to mention gender at all since it shouldn't matter who you are or what you were born as. However, I must mention this distinction because the industry makes it an issue.

I have met seasoned female developers who became excellent at their jobs because the threshold for being taken seriously was higher than for their male colleagues.

Heck, there was even a study about gender bias in open source years ago, which confirmed that one exists against known women. The article is Gender differences and bias in open source: pull request acceptance of women versus men, if you're interested.

While I hope Gen Z and Alpha will overcome these biases (they love busting the old norms), we still have a long way to go.

Woman, part 2

Being a woman doesn't make you less capable as a developer, but we are perceived differently.

While I am not a perfect programmer, I am just as or more capable than those who have called me a "diversity hire," made sexist jokes, or pretended not to hear me and later took credit for my ideas.

And don't get me started on the ones who called me "an experiment" to see if they can have women in the office (they said it succeeded, I think it failed). In the same company, the men went to the women's bathroom to do "number two" so as not to upset their colleagues (present company excluded).

I did not want to write this article

I sat on the titular words of this article for four months, and it has been a few weeks since I wrote the first draft, which I am now finishing and wrapping up. I am only finishing the article now because several people have asked if they could read it.

This whole subject bores me. After a decade in this business, with enough published resources and an employment track record, have I not proven that I am not "just a DEI hire"?

(Accusing someone of being a DEI hire is a whole other problem that we will not get into in this article, but please do not do this.)

Several men have asked me what it is like to be a woman in IT, and I seem to have developed an allergy to that question. With limited time and energy, I will not entertain this question anymore unless there is a good reason for it.

Have capable women not posted enough stories about this subject? Were there not enough news articles mentioning the gender gap? Or could the abundance of organizations and programs geared towards women and girls have been a hint?

I worked damn hard for these skills. So yes, I am pissed that we are still dealing with sexism, dismissal, idea theft, and other such shenanigans. Luckily, spite is a great motivator.

This is not about hating men

The stories above come with the disclaimer that men are not, by definition, the enemy. I am not fond of the stereotype of man-hating feminists because that image does injustice to everyone involved; misandry and misogyny are two sides of the same coin, and neither is good.

Age also plays a role, as I have had much better experiences with millennial leadership. When I told the latter about sexist shit pulled by previous employers or colleagues, their prompt response was: "If anyone of ours ever does something like that, we will fire them." (And they meant it.)

I have had amazing colleagues, some of whom I have stayed in contact with for years after leaving a company. The Django community has also proven itself a positive, welcome change from "the usual."

So, let us say that my reality from 15 years ago is not what it is now. While not perfect, it is much better, and it would be unfair not to acknowledge that.

Wrap-up

This was a cathartic write and a glimpse into a reality I rarely mention publicly.

I hate regurgitating this subject, as it should be a waste of time, but it has always been present in some form in my life and career and that of many extraordinary ladies I have been lucky to meet over the years.

Then again, it has been 3.5 years since the last extensive rant article on my blog, so maybe we were due one.

As for general advice, please recognize that everyone operates differently as a developer, which does not make them less capable. On the contrary, a diverse team helps create well-rounded products.

As for me: I am not a diversity hire or a greenhorn. I am good at my job, which is more important than my gender.

Also, my skills are for hire.

Fin.